Irish Translation Forum

A rich American challenged An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman to drink ten pints of Guinness in ten minutes.
The Englishman tried but could manage only five pints.
The Scotsman did a bit better - he drank seven pints in ten minutes.
The Irishman downed The ten pints in nine minutes and as The American handed over The prize money he remarked. 'I didn't think you could do it.'
'I knew I could,' said The Irishman, 'because I did The same thing in The pub next door a few minutes ago.'

hahahhaha! hey, all irish people, post your irish jokes here! I wanna hear them all!

kuja-chan wrote:... hey, all irish people, post your irish jokes here! I wanna hear them all!

Hey that's a request I can't refuse

Here's a nice republican one for a start:

Ian Paisley was on this tour of a multidenominational school and he asked the classroom: "Give me an example of a tragedy." A little Presbyterian girl stood up and said: "If a person fell of a tree while playing, that would be a tragedy." "Very good", said Paisley, "but that would not be a tragedy, that would be an accident!" A little Protestant boy stood up and said: "If a busload of children crashed off a cliff, that would be a tragedy!" "Another good one", answered Ian, "but that would not be a tragedy, that would be a great loss." A little Catholic boy stood up and said, "If you were in a plane flying over this country, Mr Paisley, and it blew up, then that would be tragedy!" "Excellent", said Ian feeling very chuffed with himself, "but how would you know that was a tragedy?" "Well," said the young lad, "it wouldn't be a great loss and it certainly wouldn't be a feckin' accident!"

Irishman finds a Genie lamp and rubs it. Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like" Irishman scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty. "Granted master" retorted the Genie and produced the bottle. The man was delighted and got drunk on this one magic Guiness bottle for weeks then he remembered that he had two other wishes. He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared. "Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?" "You know that magic, never ending Guinness bottle" he asks the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two of them

Me again

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.
Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Ah, sure me brothers are fine-I just quit drinking."

I've heard the brother pint one before, but the one about the plane is brilliant!

An Englishman, a Texan and an Irishman are sitting in a pub about to drink a round of Guinness. The doors are open as there is a nice breeze, but a trio of flies make their way into the pub and, intoxicated by the Guinness fumes, each falls into a seperate pint.

The Englishman looks down at the fly gleefully swimming in his Guinness in disgust and snaps his fingers at the barkeep "There is a fly in my pint, bring me another my good man."

The Texan looks down at the fly in his pint, shakes his head, picks up his spoon and dishes the fly out before taking a drink "G'wan, get outa there ya lil critter!"

The Irishman looks down at the fly in his pint, and his eyes go wide in anger. He reaches in with his fingers and grabs the fly, pulling it out of the pint and holding it over it while thumping it on the backside "SPIT IT OUT YE WEE BASTARD!!!!"

Hey! You almost made me spit out my beer laughing!
The store didn't have any Guinness anymore, so it's just German Black Stuff
but still nice 4.8%

Méabh wrote:The store didn't have any Guinness anymore, so it's just German Black Stuff
but still nice 4.8%

I'm on the Warsteinner

Q: What were the Republicans doing while the Loyalists were building the Titanic?

A: Building an iceberg.

I'm indulging in Köstritzer