Irish Translation Forum

Méabh, i know what you mean, growing up in a tourist town sucks, you get too many dumb questions.

oh well, tourists have to go somewhere. lol

Pól wrote:There is the old story about the American tourist stopping his car(automobile) in a village in Kerry.

He rolled down the window and shouted at one of the villagers-

How do I get to Killarney from here?

The villager scratched his head for a minute and then replied-

'Well if I were you I wouldn't start from here- anyway'

and walked away.

"We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds."
Rev. Ian Paisley
Paisley died and went to heaven, when he got there me knocked long and hard on the door. St.Peter came out and asked his name. "YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME? I'M THE REV. IAN PAISLEY" he roared at St Peter. St.Peter looked at his list and could not find his name. "Sorry" say's St.Peter "you're not on the list". "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT ON THE LIST??? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM???" "As a matter of fact I do" said St. Peter, "but your name is not on the list." "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON MY NAME SHOULD BE ON THE LIST". St. Peter try's to explain that its not easy to get into heaven, and that you have to be a Catholic, when Paisley hears this he starts to complain, so St. Peter says that had he had been good to Catholics that he have some chance. "WELL" roared Paisley, "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN VERY GOOD TO CATHOLICS, WHY ONLY 2 WEEKS AGO I MET A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD MADE HER COMMUNION AND I GAVE HER A POUND AND 2 WEEKS BEFORE I MET A YOUNG BOY WHO HAD MADE HIS COMMUNION AND I HAVE HIM A POUND, NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY NOW MR. ST. PETER ???" St. Peter took a few notes on what he said, he told Paisley to wait that he would have to go and talk to GOD and get some advice. About ten minutes later St. Peter come out and said to Paisley. "HERE'S YOUR TWO POUNDS BACK, NOW BUGGER OFF!"


Ian Paisley goes into a coma. After twenty years he regains consciousness. The first person he sets eyes on is Unionist Peter Robinson.

Paisley, desperate to find out how the situation in the north turned out grabs hold of Robinson and says "Peter, what have I missed over the last 20 years? Did we win, did we lose? You've gotta tell me"

Robinson replies "Well Ian, I've got some good news and some bad news. Do you want the good or the bad first?"

Paisley thinks about it for a minute and say "Gimme the bad news first"

Robinson: "Well the bad news is that Gerry Adams is the new president of the United Ireland"

Paisley is shocked but enquires further "So what's the good news then?"

Robinson: "Rangers are beating Celtic in the cup final" Paisley is delighted by this and asks "What score is it?"

Robinson: "3-14 to 1-11"

colleen

don't get the punchline of teh last joke colleen

irish_blue_eyes wrote:don't get the punchline of teh last joke colleen

The results of the match are Gaelic football results (maybe it's an irish thing, but I found it funny)

Now I get it

ATM they're playing some sappy love song on RnaG - kinda cute
Sounds like the Beatles as Gaelige

:|
wah?
whos ian

I've heard those jokes before, Colleen, a chailín, but I still smiled as I read them as they're classics.

Big Ian has probably been the subject of more jokes than anyone else alive today in Ireland. I suppose you could say that he's a man that nationalists love to hate (many a loyalist has said that he was inspired by the oratory of Big Ian to go out and kill Catholics) but he's paradoxically regarded with something almost akin to affection ('Big Ian's some craic', eh') because he can almost always be relied on to say something (entertainingly) over the top (whereas the likes of Peter Robinson, Gregory Campbell, and co. are simply despised and no nationalist I know enjoys listening to them speak).

It's a funny aul' world, so it is.

A train hits a bus filled with Irish Catholic school girls and they all perish. As they are trying to enter through the Pearly Gates, St. Peter is there to interview them. He asks the first girl,

Breeda, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?'

She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with
the tip of my finger.'

St. Peter says,'Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,

'Mary Catherine, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one.'

St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says,

'Irene! What seems to be the rush?'

The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Siobhan sticks her ass in it.'