Irish Translation Forum

Hehehe! A lad from my creative writing course, Paddy Maguire was 6'4" and was also no man you would want to mess with but we would still joke with him because he was a Aikido teacher

Hiiiyaa - ya wee harpy! we would taunt...

The other girls always ended up being thrown over his shoulder and relocated outside the dorm lounge

He never DARED try that with me - he said my poetry was too scary and I was just frightening in general in my stilletto booties (Even though I'm a 5'6" pipsqueak of a lass) so he would let me stay and read his manuscripts for horror and sci-fi stories

Hmmmm....mayhaps I see another proofreader for my books

hehehehe


Breandán

Another true story (if my friend can be believed and I think he can).

Four fellas from Derry were on their way home to Derry via Coleraine (from Portrush?) late one night when they were stopped at a UDR checkpoint in the countryside outside Coleraine (this was back in the 80s before they were merged with the RIR). The first thing they did was take the keys from the driver and then they checked the boot, etc. (the usual procedure). One of the UDR men then asked the driver where they were going and was told "Derry". The UDR man then asked "Are you sure you don't mean 'Londonderry' ?" "Nope, Derry", was the answer he was given. The UDR men then went and sat down in their Landrover (with the keys of the four Derry boys' car still in their possession). They sat in the car for about 20 minutes and the four Derry boys had to wait, of course, because the UDR boys had their car keys. Finally the UDR man with the car keys got out of the Landrover and walked over to the car:

UDR man: "Where did you say yous were for, again?"

Driver of the car: "Derry."

UDR man: "Are you sure you don't mean 'Londonderry'?"

Driver: "Nope - Derry."

UDR man: "Fair enough."

The UDR man walked away form the car (car keys still in his possession), got back into the Landrover and didn't get out for another 30 minutes or so. Other cars were stopped and allowed to continue on their way but the four boys from Derry were ignored. By this time, they'd been waiting in their car for almost an hour. Ye can imagine the conversation in the car as they waited:

"Your man's not going to let us go till you say 'Londonderry'"

"**** that! He's not going to get me to say 'Londonderry'. I'll sit here all night if I have to. **** him!"

"Aye, that's all right for you - you don't have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow morning for work. Just tell him 'Londonderry' and be done with it, for ****'s sake, and let's go home!"

and so forth...

Finally, the UDR man came back to the car and asked (as if he were asking for the first time)

"Where are yous for?"

and the four boys from Derry all answered in unison (and probably in four-part harmony):

LIMAVADY!!!



(my friend was one of the boys in the car, or so he tells me.)

BTW, for those of ye who may not know, Limavady is on the way from Coleraine to Derry.

oh dear ... seems that border guards are the same everywhere

tip to those coming back from holland: if asked about posession of marijuana, don't say "what? do I look stoned, officer?"

a friend of mine did thinking he was funny and spent the night at the station

The drunk rang Dublin airport and inquired: 'How long does it take to fly to New York from Dublin?'

'Just a second,' said the receptionist.

Thank you,' said the drunk and replaced the phone!

-----------------------------------------
'Wasn't it tragic about my brother Michael,' moaned Kelly. 'Women and whiskey killed him.'

'Is that so?' sympathised OToole.

'Yes, he couldn't get either so he hung himself!'


HAHAHAHH!!!!!!!

Not to be pedantic about it, Méabh, but the UDR (Ulster Defence Regiment) weren't border guards and the checkpoint was in the middle of the countryside far from any border. To say that the UDR weren't very popular with the nationalist population of the Six Counties would be an understatement (and vice-a-versa). Terrible things were done to and by the UDR but people in the North have a black sense of humour and are able to see the funny side to the dark tragic period that was the Troubles.

The Dutch border guard warning reminds me of something I read about some guy in California in the 60s. This guy was tripping on acid and driving on the freeway when a CHIPS officer pulled him over for speeding. The CHIPS officer asked him to roll down the window. He wouldn't roll down the window and the officer became really angry and starting pounding on the window (the doors were all locked, of course). The officer was furious - "OPEN THE *%@~ WINDOW!!!". Finally, he slowly opened the window and said as cool as anything:

"I'll have a cheeseburger, a medium Coke, and a large order of fries."

Fortunately for him, the CHIPS man had a sense of humour and actually burst out laughing. He then let your man off with a warning.

obroin_the_raven, maybe I'm being a bit hypocritical here (after telling a funny Troubles-related story) but I have to say that I find it hard to laugh at the suicide joke. Suicide has become a serious problem in Ireland (holy Catholic Ireland, God help us) and the group with highest suicide rate in Ireland are (middle-aged) bachelor farmers. Ireland has also got one the highest (if not the highest) suicide rates for young men is in the world. I've got a black sense of humour myself but I knew a few people who hanged themselves and the very thought of suicide fills me with horror (I suppose it's my Catholic upbringing). That said, anybody who's lost a family member or friend to a drink driver might not appreciate my CHIPS story.

I think the punchline was 'not even a crocodile would swallow that' or something similar, Somhairle.

I have to say that I'm not gone on the 'drunken Paddy' jokes myself. A lot of them conform a bit too closely to the racist Victorian stereotypes for my liking. But then again, maybe that's just me.

I like the Irish tourist jokes (jokes about tourists in Ireland) the best...

But that's because I grew up in a tourist town and can sympathize